I don’t like to complain, but…

I had always pretty much intended this blog to be light, knitty fluff stuff, nothing overly deep or meaningful. But I haven’t really felt up to writing fluff these days, because I haven’t been very satisfied with my life lately.

I’ve been stressed about work, stressed over my home projects, stressed over my study, weight loss, exercise, being nice to everyone and meeting everyone’s expectations. I am just about at the end of my rope as far as some of these things are concerned. Something’s got to change.

But where to start? I need my crappy job, because the pay is pretty tasty. I have a good lifestyle, I can buy yarn and travel and eat out and wear nice shoes. Could I scale that back? Could I simplify my life by looking for a different job, with less political bullcrap to distract me? Certainly it would mean less pay, but y’all, I really like wearing nice shoes.

Because I’m at my crappy job all the time, I struggle to stay motivated with all my other projects around the place. I could quit the job, finish all my projects and my study… but I really like wearing nice shoes!

The work thing is definitely the problem – I’m not loving my job, I’m not seeing much of a future, and from the gossip chain things are about to get stupider than they are now (which is pretty stupid, I have to say). I’m heavily involved in a project that has been going on FOREVER and I want to see it through, but I really don’t know how much more I can put into this. It’s sucking all the life out of me, and I don’t have enough mental energy for anything else in my life.

Is it possible to just decide to stop worrying about it? Can you make a concious decision to just go with the flow, and actively not get involved in stuff that you know is going to upset you, even though it has a profound effect on your work situations?

I did something today that I just don’t do – I passed the buck. Someone, a very high-level someone, asked me a question that had anyone else asked, I would have answered. Instead, I told them to ask someone else, because they’d be better prepared to answer. I know the answer, and it would be the same one coming from me as from the other guy, but I decided not to answer because I knew it would lead to an argument, and I actively handed the fight to someone else. In a way I feel good that I dodged the bullet, but bad at the same time because now someone else has to get involved. I guess the control freak in me wants to run everything, be responsible for everything, know all the answers. When I say something is so, I just want people to shut up and accept it.

Can I decide to let it go? Can I control that? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

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~ by palopinto on February 20, 2008.

4 Responses to “I don’t like to complain, but…”

  1. Are you sure that you can’t find a similar job somewhere else?

    Can you look for a new job without jeopardizing the one you have? If not, do you have emergency money you can live off of while looking for another job?

    Using the phrase “sucking the life out of me” is a clear sign that you need a change of scenery. I don’t think I would be able to ignore job-related crap once it’s gotten under my skin.

  2. I probably could – that doesn’t worry me too much, the problem is the commitment I’ve made to a project that I really want to finish… and it’s dragging on and on and on. I most likely will find something else, but I’ve spent a year of my working life on something and I feel I should see it through to completion. I guess I’m just trying to find the strength not to tell the folks at work to stick it up their jumpers! 😉

    The work I’d want to do elsewhere is related to this project, so I need to be seen to have finished it. But between now and then… there’s probably not enough chocolate in the world!

  3. *hugs* Go pet some yarn. Yarn is good. Yarn is your friend. Pat the pretty yarn. Then, when you’re done fondling the yarn, tap into the bottle of gin I left behind. 😉

  4. Hee! The gin is long gone 😉

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