Road trip? No thanks.

From ICQ, because I don’t think I could actually sum it up any better.

(20:35:04) Jen: you would not believe the day i’ve had.
(20:35:12) K: not good?
(20:35:18) Jen: good and bad/insane
(20:35:24) K: 😦
(20:35:50) Jen: started out pretty good – drove out to oakey (3hr west) to spend the day with P, today was their rest day on the ride.
(20:36:21) Jen: we went to the jondaryan woolshed, saw the historic buildings, watched a master shearer shear some sheep, the usual sheepy stuff
(20:36:39) K: ooh sheeeeep!
(20:36:51) Jen: even bought some roving from the actual sheep on the station (white, will dye it at some point) even though i think it was overpriced. i was hoping for a fleece.
(20:37:16) Jen: anyhoo, managed to spend most of the day in the sun and only end up a little sunburned
(20:37:30) Jen: josie was PERFECT all day – all smiles and talkies and fun and totally adorable.
(20:37:37) K: aww
(20:37:58) Jen: we went back to the campsite and visited with people, rested in the tent for a little while, had a snack, and just generally hung out. it was fun.
(20:38:14) Jen: there ends the good part.
(20:38:18) Jen: now starts the insanity.
(20:38:33) Jen: are you ready? and you can laugh because it’s over now, but at the time i was most unimpressed.
(20:38:34) K: uh oh
(20:38:40) Jen: ok, here we go.
(20:38:55) Jen: i drank a lot of water at the campsite because it was hot and sunny and i was thirsty. remember that part.
(20:39:19) Jen: i deliberately did not go to the pee room before heading back to brisbane, thinking that if i got sleepy on the road, a full bladder would annoy me into staying fully awake.
(20:39:39) Jen: ok, bundled jo into the car. she was asleep less than 3 minutes into the journey.
(20:40:06) K: ok, not going to the pee room is a big mistake in my book…
(20:40:15) Jen: got about 5 minutes down the highway when i saw a traffic response vehicle blocking the road. uh-oh… what’s happened here? a big sign saying “accident ahead, diversions in place.”
(20:40:52) Jen: oooo-kay, no probs – take the diversion. headed off through some farmland, on a fairly narrow but still decent little farm road.
(20:41:03) Jen: about 5k along the road…. it became gravel.
(20:41:07) Jen: for 20k.
(20:41:40) K: hoboy
(20:41:46) Jen: my car doesn’t handle gravel very well. add to this that there were road trains on the road (massive huge haulage trucks, these were full of moo) kicking up massive amounts of dust, so i couldn’t see a damn thing.
(20:41:59) Jen: also, did i mention i didn’t go to the pee room? 😉
(20:42:21) K: good times
(20:42:57) Jen: ok, so we finally get back to a paved road, after doing 20k of gravel at around 20kph. not fun. we’re still on the diversion though, nowhere near the highway, so we’re going through suburbia at 50kph, following road trains full of moo.
(20:43:57) Jen: we get through suburbia, through the town… then we get to the mountain pass back down to the valley. a very steep mountain pass. good roads though… two lane the whole way down. the fucking road trains decide they want to drive down alongside each other at about 20kph so they can chat.
(20:44:11) K: holee mother of dog
(20:44:32) Jen: meanwhile, about 100 angry, grubby motorists, who probably haven’t used the pee room lately, are queuing up behind them. oh, and this is a 100kph zone most of the way.
(20:44:59) Jen: finally the damn moo truck gets the fuck into the slow lane and everyone ZOOOOOOOOOMS past them at last.
(20:45:24) Jen: ok, excellent. we’re back on the highway, josie’s still asleep, it’s dark and there’s no lighting on the highway but we can manage.
(20:45:48) Jen: tootling along, la dee da… in the dark i don’t recognise the exit i’m supposed to take, and get off one too early.
(20:45:55) Jen: in a massive construction zone.
(20:46:08) K: aaaawesome  😉
(20:46:13) Jen: i realise this just as josie wakes up and starts screaming and crying hysterically.
(20:47:07) Jen: because of all the construction, a lot of roads are either closed or don’t exist anymore, so i’ve got the gps yelling RECALCULATING at me every ten seconds and telling me to turn down roads that aren’t fucking there. josie’s screaming, i’m lost in a suburb i can’t even name, and i start to cry.
(20:47:29) K: oh dear  😦
(20:47:39) Jen: the best part…. as i’m snivelling like a little kid because i’m lost and tired and sunburned and FUCKING ASS BALLS I HAVE TO PEE…..
(20:47:48) K: *snicker*
(20:47:55) Jen: a goddam massive kangaroo jumps out in front of my car.
(20:48:00) K: jeebus
(20:48:38) Jen: i SCREAM and slam on the brakes, which makes josie scream even louder, i almost pee myself, and the kangaroo looks at me and goes “whut?” then bounces off.
(20:49:00) Jen: i stop the car in the middle of the road for a minute to recover.
(20:49:50) Jen: finally, i get started again… to hell with the gps and the diversions, i need the goddam highway. i don’t care how i get there. so i head up a little road that looks like it’s only meant for construction trucks… but turns out it was a sensible way to go and i get back on the highway and back to areas i recognise.
(20:50:25) Jen: josie stops screaming a couple minutes later… and all i hear from back there is a little sob every few minutes.
(20:50:55) Jen: we get home, i get josie some food… start trying to feed her. she has a couple bites then starts STRAAAAAAAAAAAAAINING…. she’s pooped. great.
(20:51:21) Jen: trundle her off to the change table – it’s a massive, horrible, sick-baby poop. oooo-kay. undress, head toward the bathtub.
(20:51:39) K: oh dear  😦
(20:51:46) Jen: while she’s standing nekkid at the edge of the tub, water’s running… she does another massive poop on the floor.
(20:52:04) Jen: so not only do i have to wash the poop off the baby, but i have to rinse the poop out of her diaper and then mop poop off the floor.
(20:52:17) K: *snicker again*
(20:52:23) Jen: and now i’m shaking i’m laughing so hard 😉
(20:52:51) Jen: so i get jo cleaned up, dressed, boobed and into bed. i then call P back and explain wtf has happened to me, then i go and clean up the rest of the poop.
(20:53:09) Jen: oh, and you may be relieved to hear that i did visit the pee room in the middle of all this 😉
(20:53:20) K: sounds like a fan-freaking-tastic day.  😉
(20:53:25) Jen: and then i sat my exhausted ass down here, and here i am!
(20:53:42) Jen: i cannot remember when i have had a more completely insane day.
(20:54:11) K: i don’t think it’s possible to top that one
(20:54:21) Jen: i think the kangaroo did it for me.
(20:54:26) Jen: that, or the poop on the floor.

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~ by palopinto on September 10, 2009.

4 Responses to “Road trip? No thanks.”

  1. Still, by far, one of the funniest stories you have EVER told me. X-D

  2. I have to say, I’ve never had a kangaroo jump in front of my car. My life feels suddenly incomplete.

    • It’s actually not all I thought it would be. I was left somewhat… well, I would say empty after the experience, but luckily I managed to hang on 😉

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